Where the magic happens;)

A Teacher's Eye View

this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you...

I think I finally understand what my mom meant when she would say “this is going to hurt you more than it hurts me,” before disciplining me. Today in my class one of my boys came in riled up. Apparently he was upset by what another student in my class had said to him in the hallway. In the midst of trying to get the class settled and started, I heard cursing and looked up to see one my students taking of his back pack and getting ready to fight. I stepped in and told the student to get out and made the other student sit down. Of course the other students were hyped so I began yelling at others to sit down and close their mouth’s. Once the situation was squashed and the students had finished their do now I went in on them! I yelled at them for disrespecting each other and reminded them of where they were. I told them that they needed to begin acting like the young adults they were and that the instance at the beginning of class was silly and not the way things are handled in the real world. I felt the anger and disappointment in my cheeks and through my body as I chided them. After this the energy of my classroom was something different then I had ever experienced. The students seemed shocked to have seen that side of me and I was shocked that I let it out. I felt completely out of my element yelling at them and sad that I had taken it there. For the rest of the class a handful of students put their head downs and many seemed less inclined to participate as if they were mad at me. Strangely enough at the end of class my classroom mentor applauded the way I handled the situation. If I had handled it well, why did I feel so bad? 

Overcoming Age and Learning to be Mean

Today during my world history class my students were particularly chatty. After a couple attempts to try and get their attention I decided to wait for them to end their conversations as opposed to talking over them. In that moment my classroom mentor stepped in and began reprimanding the students for their behavior. She called out students individually and alluded to their failing grades. Many students snickered as individuals were publicly embarrassed and one student even verbally cosigned. My mentor heard the student co-sign and told her to get her stuff as she would be leaving class. The student tried to explain herself but my classroom was not interested in negotiating. 

After class my CM and I debriefed. She asked if I was just not comfortable calling students out or if I had not noticed their behavior. I expressed that it was probably a mixture of both and that I would attempt to be more self aware. She expressed that she thinks I need to be harder in the way I verbally discipline them and call students out individually as a means of making an example for the class. To some extent I agree with her feedback and think my students see me more of an older sister figure as opposed to the head disciplinarian, like a mother. Nonetheless, I am not sure if I fully subscribe to the philosophy of publicly making students feel disrespected as a means of gaining communal respect. I can see how this type of humiliation may lead to resentment and potentially hurt my relationships with these students. On another note, I think there is something to be said for the fact that I look like them racially and am constantly mistaken as a student. Phenotypically, it may be difficult for my students to associate as an authority. As I move forward I will keep you posted on how I navigate these lines and assert my self as a loving-respetful & respected, authority figure...

Fridays and Field trips

Today was extremely intense of 28 students in my class about 12 were in attendance. Immediately when they walked in they asked if they had to do work today, since everyone was gone and asked if we could just chill. I already knew attendance would be low since most of the ninth graders were on a field trip but I had expected around 17 at least. I informed them that the work would be light but the word "work" was all they heard. It took them a while to settle down as most were disinterested with anything I had to say. I told them we where going to do a brief activity and that we would listen to some music and perhaps watch a movie. The activity I had planned for was supposed to last the whole period but as I felt out their vibes I knew that my plans were not going to work for this friday. I intended on having a writing circle where they would do a free-write, share and then we would go over the five paragraph essay structure. But we only made it to the free write. After their "do now" I had them form a small circle, passed out the writing prompt and put some music on. Although they complained and said that it was corny initially I found that all of them wrote something and even shared what they wrote. After this I had them put the desk back in order and put on the movie gladiator. If I could describe my kids in few words today I would have to say: rowdy, resistant and reluctant. The lesson I learned for today is that there are times when you have to put your plans aside and find the compromise. Fridays and Field trips do not seem to be the best mix.  

Web Chatting

Looking forward to web chatting with prospective student tonight. It was not long ago I was in your position...so please come bearing questions:)

Food in the Classroom

Based on conversations with my students and my own experience it seems that students at student teaching site do not receive adequate nutrition during school if any at all. While it appears that the food they do consume is not healthy, some food or snacks may be better than nothing at all. During my AP Euro class students are always snacking on something. I have seen students with juice, cake, candy, chips, and cookies. At the beginning of class one student will pull something out of there book bag, others will notice and ask to share, then the person with the snack will go around and share their food. This has even happened mid-class. It is not uncommon for a student to get up during my classroom mentor's lecture and go pour their chips into another student’s palms or even walk across the room to dump their trash. I have asked the students if they eat during lunch and most have said they do not, why this is I am not particularly sure. For this class it seems that they have built community through food. Although it is slightly disruptive at times my classroom mentor allows it. Nonetheless, food plays out differently with my ninth grade world history class.

The unspoken rule seems to be that they are not allowed to eat in class unless the teacher (my other classroom mentor or myself) provides it to them. As of late I have been using candy as an incentive for my students to participate. The first day I tried it out students were very surprised and much more inclined to raise their hands. Students even raised their hands before I could ask my questions. Since then I’ve been very selective about when and for what reason’s I give candy. The students have noticed and questioned this. In addition, if a student participates they feel entitled to candy and will say “Ms. Fuller you owe me.” For one question there may be five people that raise their hands to participate and I have to make the decision of who to call on and whether or not they will receive candy. My experiment with food/snacks incentives and rewards has left me with questions about what I am communicating to my students. I wonder if my students see my decisions as equitable and what I am non-verbally telling them about power. It also seems that a student might deduct that verbal participation is privileged over other forms. Finally, I wonder if students received all the food they needed during lunchtime or throughout the day if they would be so excited for the starburst or chocolate I give to them.

I recognize that sharing food together can be a way of building community but if not shared with everyone it can also be a space of competition. In the article “Beyond Bribes and Threats: How Not to Get Control of the Classroom,” Alfie Kohn explains that the use of any bribe/incentive is negative and undermines students value for the inherent reward in education. But perhaps these students do not see/have not witnessed the positive effects of education. Perhaps they have already begun to deconstruct the misnomer that if you do well in school alone you will be successful. So engaging for an immediate yet temporary reward may seem more sensible. I will continue to observe the way in which food can be used in the classroom and use these experiences to inform how I will set-up my own my classroom. 

Birthday Reflections

A great man once said "Go girl Its your birthday!" (-Trey Songz lol) 

  I would first like to thank God for yet another year. I had a very eventful birthday that actually began last saturday and culminated today. I was initially nervous as it would be my first birthday ever without my family and first in four years without my best friends, but through this experience I have come to appreciate a new extension of my family “my East Coast Fam.” I had a collaborative party with my roomate and another close friend on Saturday, turned it up on wednesday at the Jay-Z & Kanye West concert, partook in the awesome Penn Homecoming festivities Friday and Saturday, and enjoyed a lovely soul food brunch at Warm Daddies (a philly jewel) today. And in each celebration I was surrounded by amazing people. In just five months I have developed another set of beautiful friends and for that I am thankful. 

I am also thankful to be working on my masters and endowed with the potential to do good things for the betterment of my people. It literally seems that 21 just happened and in it’s happening life moved so fast. I graduated from UCLA, moved across country and have in many ways began a totally new life. In six months my life will be shifting again and it will be time for me to make a decision about the next direction. So it is with open arms that I accept 22 and all the love and lessons it has for me!

Both the STUDENT and TEACHER (yikes)

It is possible to be both the student and teacher but difficult nonetheless. These roles are married within TEP Secondary ED but like any relationship there are ups and downs and constant tension. More and more I have found myself prioritizing one of the other, nine times out of ten being a teacher tends to trump being a student. While engaging in self development can only be beneficial for your students it’s easy to get lost in the sauce with the many duties of a teacher. There are times where I find myself feeling hypocritical when I forego my reading but badger my students about submitting homework. Now that I teach my respect for public school teachers has grown tremendously who knew the ridiculous amount of layers they have to maintain. There are management duties that one must carry out that include but are not limited to: attendance, grading, make-up work; Interpersonal duties: parent phone calling, classroom culture development, student relationship building; and last but not least intense intellectual work which include prioritizing, synthesizing, organizing, presenting then reflecting. Since I’ve taken over my first class the focus has been on the intellectual aspect but I intend to start engaging in more relationship building with both parents and students. But (as there is always a but!) this is difficult because there are literally only so many hours in the day, and I have come to utilize 20 of them. Teaching from the am to afternoon, then taking courses at Penn in the pm and of course preparing to do it all over again when the pm and am transition. As a student teacher one may find that their brain does not EVER turn off, nor do you ever stop planning. Even when actively involved in something one is already calculating what the next ten moves need to be.  The moral of the story is student teaching is HARD and perhaps one of the hardest, yet very fulfilling things I’ve done. Speaking of “morals” more to come on the constant moral decisions of a teacher.