I think I finally understand what my mom meant when she would say “this is going to hurt you more than it hurts me,” before disciplining me. Today in my class one of my boys came in riled up. Apparently he was upset by what another student in my class had said to him in the hallway. In the midst of trying to get the class settled and started, I heard cursing and looked up to see one my students taking of his back pack and getting ready to fight. I stepped in and told the student to get out and made the other student sit down. Of course the other students were hyped so I began yelling at others to sit down and close their mouth’s. Once the situation was squashed and the students had finished their do now I went in on them! I yelled at them for disrespecting each other and reminded them of where they were. I told them that they needed to begin acting like the young adults they were and that the instance at the beginning of class was silly and not the way things are handled in the real world. I felt the anger and disappointment in my cheeks and through my body as I chided them. After this the energy of my classroom was something different then I had ever experienced. The students seemed shocked to have seen that side of me and I was shocked that I let it out. I felt completely out of my element yelling at them and sad that I had taken it there. For the rest of the class a handful of students put their head downs and many seemed less inclined to participate as if they were mad at me. Strangely enough at the end of class my classroom mentor applauded the way I handled the situation. If I had handled it well, why did I feel so bad?
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